Monday, May 18, 2009

My thoughts on X Men Origins: Wolverine

A plot-hole-ridden, horribly told story is held up purely Jackman's performance and a few moments of brief, unsatisfying action.



Let's get this out of the way first - I was really excited for this movie. And after the shit-fest that was X3, I was expecting something at least better than it was. I mean come on, X3 was really bad - how could anything be worse?

Simply put, I was wrong.

Wolverine was crap. I don't have time to write a full review, so I'll address my concerns with a list:

-First of all, Hugh Jackman was good. As in the other X movies, he portrayed wolverine very well. It must be said that he is in damn good shape for being 40 years old. Ryan Reynolds was a perfect Wade Wilson. (We'll get to Deadpool later.)

-The plot was HORRIBLE. Wolverine's rich history (Civil War, WWI, WWII, Vietnam, his changing identity over the years) is pushed aside to the brief opening sequence. The rest of movie focuses on telling a story that we were already told in X and X2 (and those two movies did a
much better job of telling the story, by the way). The plot was ridiculously predictable, and ridden with cliches. The story was horribly told. It's not faithful to the comics, which is fine. However, when the story is this poorly relayed to the audience, that leaves everybody confused, comic lovers and non-readers alike.

-Mutant appearances were handled very badly. Tons of mutants were there, but nobody even gets named. The 5 seconds of screen time that they each got ensured no character development whatsoever. Gambit was the biggest disappointment - despite all the hype, he only got 10 minutes or so of screen time, and didn't do jack -shit. There was NO character development, and his action scenes were ridiculously brief. At the end, he just disappears. Above all, the poor attention given to the mutants makes them seem like weak fanservice.

-The action scenes were okay at best. All of them were stupidly predictable and one-sided, not to mention brief. The CGI was laughably bad. Wolverine's bathroom scene ring a bell? Don't even mention CGI Patrick Stewart.

-Deadpool? Oh boy. I don't think I've ever seen a comic character butchered
so badly. He's known for his smart mouth, but in this movie, they sowed his mouth shut! Not to mention he looks stupid as hell (Baraka from Mortal Kombat). Also, there's no way Wolverine should've been able to beat him if he was really as badass as they claimed. Yet, they beat him by cutting his head off? That's it? He couldn't tell Wolverine was coming? Despite Striker (who was controlling him) watching the whole fight?

Continuity errors are rampant in Wolverine. I have several other complaints about the movie - things that just don't make sense or are just plain stupid - some nitpicking, some pretty bad ones:

-Sabretooth and Wolverine were brothers that fought beside each other for over 100 years. Yet when Wolverine encounters Sabretooth in X-Men, Sabretooth doesn't recognize him. Over 100 years of combat and brotherhood is suddenly forgotten in about 15 years? Sure, you could chalk it up to him becoming completely "animalistic", but he doesn't appear to be completely so in X-Men. Besides, sometime within that 15 years, he had to have the mental capacity to join Magneto's team as well. Is it because he suffers from amnesia?

-Why didn't any of the mutants that Wolverine set free eventually recognize him when he returns in X-Men? Cyclops was blindfolded, but the others sure as hell weren't.

-Since this movie tells us that Three Mile Island was a cover up for the final battle between wolverine, sabretooth, and Weapon XI, we can reasonable infer that the movie takes place about 1977-79. Striker's tech (computers) seems pretty damn advanced for the time the movie took place, doesn't it? There's absolutely no way that they could've had all of those LCDs and Plasmas. Also, they're using Humvees, which weren't even a concept until July 1979, let alone introduced into military service in 1985.

-The beginning of the movie takes place in "North-West Territories, Canada, 1845". However, Canada was not established as a nation until 1867, and the North-West Territories weren't even a part of Canada until 1870.

-Deadpool bent his elbows with his swords retracted. How the hell could Deadpool bend his arms with straight, solid chunk of metal inside them?

-In X-Men, it's shown that adamantium was grafted to Wolverine's skeleton. In this movie, it looks like his skeleton was completely replaced with adamantium.

-Wolverine's dog tags look nothing like they did in X-Men.

-Scott's optic blasts are supposed to be purely concusive, but they clearly generate heat in this movie (leave fire behind in one scene).

-The kid who played young James Howlett had blue eyes. Hugh Jackman has brown eyes.

On a final note, what the hell was up with the post-credits scenes? One (wolverine drinking) serves no significance whatsoever, while the other shows that Deadpool is alive, thus setting up a sequel! How the fuck is that fair? What kind of idea was that anyway?

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Overall, I was deeply disappointed with this movie. Either hand it over to Marvel, or quit making them.

3.5/10


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